Uncovering Your Natural Love
by Jan Lundy & Brad Lundy
Originally published in Healing Garden Journal, March 2001

Jan: As Brad and I sat together one morning, trying to put into words what we felt was the very first step toward enlightened loving, we discovered that it was not one giant step, but a series of baby steps that one would take to begin the journey. Words like “self-love,” “worthiness,” and “deservedness” came to mind. We thought our launching point for this new column might be how to bring more love into our lives. Instead, we found ourselves self-diagnosing, wondering about our own sense of “self-love”, about being “good enough” or “ready for love” before the process could even begin.

Divine love is not something out there to be found and coaxed in. It is something which brews and ferments within each one of us, not unlike a fine wine. Until it has reached its inherent perfection inside of us, it is not capable of flowing outward. In other words, we must passionately love ourselves, from both our light and dark places, before we can engage in enlightened loving with anyone else. We ready ourselves for love by doing our spirit work. We take the time to connect with our inner barometer and ask, “Am I worthy of big love?” “Am I deserving of perfect love?” “Do I love myself enough to love another unconditionally?”

This past week as I stood outside of my yoga class, I witnessed a prime example of someone who might choose to ask these questions of herself. I was leafing through HGJ, showing her this column when she inquired what I meant by conscious relationship. I explained it to her and she asked further, “Do you mean with someone you are already in relationship with?” As I replied affirmatively, “Yes, that could be a possible scenario,” she rolled her eyes skyward, indicating to me she thought that just might not be possible for her. “My husband has a relationship with his computer. That is it. That’s the only relationship he has or cares about.”

I was saddened to hear her response because I could hear the pain in her voice. It made me want to ask her, “Are you deserving of that?” “Is that the kind of love you want in your life?” but I held my tongue. Later, I continued to wonder what her degree of self-love might be that she felt compelled to be in a relationship that was obviously unsatisfying and frustrating to her. Why was she willing to settle for less than the best?

When I shared this story with Brad, we both heard those words again- worthiness, deservedness, good enough, and agreed that conscious love begins with how we regard ourselves and what we feel we should get out of life and relationship. If we believe we are the best, then we will seek out the best in others. If we are in touch with our spirit and its divinity, we will move towards a higher version of relationship, a more sacred, divine one- one that honors who we are and whom we are becoming.

Brad: I have a favorite line in one of Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversation with God books that goes something like this, “You can’t hear what I have to say, until you stop telling me what you want to say”. In other words, until we let go of our trusted old beliefs and judgments we will only see and hear the “old version” of life. It’s when we set down our programs and filters that we have a chance to turn the page to a new chapter. As it sometimes happens, my marriage ending four years ago was the start of my new chapter in life. This chapter has opened my eyes to the fact that I thought I needed a romantic relationship in my life to make me happy and complete. As I took my baby steps into enlightened loving , I saw I was expecting someone to love me more than I was willing to love myself. Imagine trying to paint a picture on a canvas that already has a picture on it. But this is exactly what we do day in and day out. If you want to experience a whole new level of love, then take the old painting off the easel and replace it with a fresh canvas. You need never feel that you are giving up any part of yourself for they are always just a finger tip away from going back on the easel if you so choose. Like an old painted canvas, we are today only re-enacting what we say love has always been for us in this and other versions of our self.

To experience new vistas of enlightened loving it is crucial to be open and willing to create a new picture of love for yourself. And this is exactly where Jan and I are going to begin this series, with beginning to guide you in painting a new version of YOU. Start by setting your intention to be a fresh canvas where new possibilities and versions of you are beginning to appear. See the canvas being your Life, the brush being your Intention and the paint being Divine Love/God.

Jan: I recall my own moment of awareness almost 4 years ago, one of those “light bulb moments” we speak of, when everything shifts and we see ourselves clearly for the first time. Mine came when I was in the presence of a couple who were living conscious relationship, Kenny and Julia Loggins. I witnessed firsthand their spirit connection, the way in which they lovingly looked at and touched each other, the tremendous nurturing and gentleness with which they supported and listened to each other. I sensed the completeness emanating from each one of them, completeness that came from a strong sense of self. Combined with another of similar energy, it was a sight to behold. In their individual wholeness, they created a stronger, larger 3rd energy, the energy of sacred partnership. It was an awe inspiring moment. I knew right then and there, that was what I wanted in my life, and I was worth it. I set the intent to “do the work” on myself so that someday, the doorway to conscious love would open and I would be ready to walk through it with the partner of my dreams. Years of therapy, soul searching, and reformulating my mental and emotional picture of who I was and who I wanted to be, was the course of action. Tending the garden of my own self-love enabled me to move in the direction of my dreams.

Brad: As Jan has pointed out, enlightened loving begins with self love. With some inner reflection, most of us would agree with this. If it begins with self love, what does it end with? Here in lies the Divine mystery; it ends with self love. Enlightened loving is a relationship with self. As it grows in intensity and depth, it spreads out beyond our physical body and activates the self love that resides in all that choose to stay in our lives. How does one get to the place where a loving relationship with Self is all we would ever need? You start by redefining your self. Remember your life is a clean canvas, your medium is Love, and your brush is intention. In this class you are creating a totally new vision of yourself. One that is so awesome, so perfect, that you will naturally fall helplessly in love with your masterpiece.

Jan: Two souls come together in conscious love because they are full and complete in themselves. They do not have needs outside of themselves that others have to fill. The work of self/Spirit has been done, and in that fullness, more blessings come. This sense of inner wholeness one can achieve allows others of similar heart and energy to gravitate toward each other, knowing that in their fullness, they will be further enriched by the gentle presence of another who can continue to help them evolve and grow to an even higher level yet.

Brad: Your masterpiece will come to life in small steps or brush strokes. With your intention and the Divine energy that surrounds this series, you have all the support and tools you will ever need to take those “baby steps” back home to the real you that is waiting to shower you with gifts and miracles. One of the first gifts you will receive are signs that you are heading in the right direction. These signs will take many forms, from strong confidant feelings to new positive resources coming into your life. This gift you will receive over and over again until you find that you are always dancing with the Angel of Joy.

Jan and Brad: Begin the journey to enlightened loving today by doing your homework. You can start with the readings listed below by a marvelous expert in relationships (often dubbed “The Love Doctor”), Daphne Rose Kingma. Take the “Love Readiness Inventory” and see where you land. Daphne will coach you through greater awareness of your spiritual and emotional readiness for Love. Garner the courage and take the time to find out where you honestly are in your own process of being prepared for Love. In doing so, you will take the baby steps that launch your voyage to self-love, and in time, Divine Love and sacred partnership.

Join us on the “S.S. Enlightened Love”, embarking right this moment for brighter shores and bolder vistas. We welcome you aboard and look forward to sailing with you toward the Love of your dreams.

With great love and blessings,
Jan and Brad

Homework:
Take a moment and reflect upon your feelings of deservedness. Do you feel worthy of “big” love in your life? Are you ready? What do you have yet to do in and for yourself to create a sense of wholeness, of feeling complete with yourself? Journal your thoughts about this.

Recommended Reading:
Finding True Love by Daphne Rose Kingma. Read pages 3-9, “The Path to Love,” and pages 203-216, “Love Readiness Inventory.”