Turning Our Aging into Saging
Originally published in Women's LifeStyle, March 2005

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."
— Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

Maybe it's those wiry gray hairs popping through. Maybe it's the hormone shift that comes with menopause. Or maybe it's the simple fact that time is working its hands upon me and I am aging, which fuels my desire to speak my truth. When you begin to greet the last one-quarter of your life in the mirror each morning, something shifts inside of you.

Any of you dear readers who are over 50 know what I'm talking about. In a recent email to my friend, Char, in Hawaii, I waxed poetic about my forthcoming "sunset years" and how I would like to spend them. I mentioned writing all the books that were buried inside of me, traveling to exotic places, time spent with family and friends and, maybe, simply sitting on a sturdy deck somewhere gazing upon a beautiful vista. (This particular mindscape comes through mostly on my "I'm over done" days.)

In her youthful exuberance (she's a 30-something gal), she berated me for harboring such thoughts, that I was much too young to be thinking about winding down my life. Her comments gave me pause to think. Yes, I am much too young to retire and yes, too driven to sit and stare out a window. All this reflection is not about planning out my retirement. It's about discerning what is really important to me as Mother Time marches on. How do I really want to spend my time, my energies, as the days of my life wane?

So I poured a cup of coffee, grabbed a pad and pen and made a list. This is what came:

· I want to speak, teach and write what I know, what I've learned on this bumpy road of life, if not to benefit others, to simply hear myself speak and acknowledge the validity of my own journey.

· I want to help other people, especially younger women, "find their way," so to speak, maybe even make the journey a little easier for them.

· I want to have precious time with my children and grandchildren to share the remembrances of my life, so that they can continue to tell the stories of our family to their children.

· I want to leave a legacy. I want to know that my life mattered and that I made a difference in the lives of others.

What I realized from this exercise was that my aging years were not so much about what I wanted for me, but what I wanted for others. It was about what has come to be called "Saging" or "Spiritual Eldering." Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi coined the phrase and is the founder of the Spiritual Eldering Institute in Philadelphia. He explains the ideal well: "Spiritual eldering means acting as guide, mentor, and agent of healing and reconciliation on behalf of the planet, nation, tribe, clan, and family."

Without even knowing it, the biological and psychological urges of my 50's, were moving me toward an archetype, becoming what the Rabbi calls a "Wisdom Keeper." A Wisdom Keeper acknowledges their life journey, the lessons they've learned along the way and affirms that this information is of value, important to share with others, especially the next generation. We can choose to do many things with our aging years but can you imagine an effort more worthy than serving as a Wisdom Keeper? Wouldn't that be a delightful epitaph to have on one's tombstone?

So how does a woman like me, a woman like you, begin to embody a Sage or Spiritual Elder?

Take Time to Reflect Upon Your life. Journaling is key to this process. Take twenty minutes daily and write about a memory you hold dear - a person, place or even thing. Daily reflection on our past helps us to integrate what we've experienced with who we've become. If you get stuck, peruse a scrapbook or photo album for ideas to jumpstart your writing.

Acknowledge What You Know

Another way to affirm your burgeoning life wisdom is to fill a piece of paper with rapid fire responses to the statement, "This Is What I Know," meaning the life truths you've come to. Just let 'er rip and don't judge what comes. You might be surprised at what emerges and how much you really DO know and how others might benefit from that knowledge.

Spend Time with Your Elders

To carry on the torch, it is important for us to be able to convey collective wisdom - the wisdom of the ages. Arrange to chat with older relatives, neighbors, or seniors at a center to log their life knowledge into your heart before it is lost. A life untold may be a life unlived. It is our stories that inspire and heal one another, providing much needed courage for the journey.

Speak Out - Reach Out

Within every neighborhood, school or community are younger folks longing for support and guidance. From weary young moms to out of work mid-lifers, we're not talking advice giving here, but presence giving. Your wise centered self can be a stabilizing factor in a a bumpy existence. Share what you know from an open-hearted space and offer your truths like seed to the wind. Don't attach an outcome or expectations to your offerings because the assumption that your journey is their journey is vastly incorrect. A Sage knows that each person's journey is truly their own and that each must travel life's roads in their own way. 'Listen, share and let go with love' is a powerful formula for personal growth for both the giver and the receiver.

Most of my life I've been directionally deficient, wandering to and fro with nary a roadmap to grab on to. I'd like to remedy that for others. I believe turning our aging years into saging years provides a unique opportunity for us to do so. I'm hoping many of you will be guided to do the same as you walk into the twilight of your life.

For additional information on Saging, including training programs and resources in your area, visit www.spiritualeldering.org