Making a Lasting Change for Yourself in the New Year
Originally published in Women's LifeStyle, January 2004

This morning I drove 6 miles for a cup of coffee. I do this because I am trying to give up coffee. If this doesn’t make sense to you, let me continue to explain my logic. You see, I want to let go of this coffee drinking habit which I know is not at all healthy for me, so I do not stock coffee in my kitchen cupboards. That way I won’t drink it. But when the urge gets so strong to have a cup and tea no longer satisfies, I find myself rearranging my morning schedule to drive by Cuppa Joe, the purveyor of the finest coffee in Traverse City (and, in my humble opinion, all of the state) to indulge once more. Do you think I have a problem, maybe even an addiction, to coffee? I know I do.

So this morning I am mindful, once again, of what it takes to make an important shift in one’s life. What is required of me, or anyone for that matter, to create a lasting or permanent change?

It seems to me there are four very important elements that are required for significant (and hopefully, long-lasting) change to occur:

Readiness: Timing is everything, and when it comes to change, this is the pivotal point that characterizes new beginnings. We must be ready. We must be at a point in our lives where we know deep within our being that it is time to let go—time to let go of anything that is no longer working for or acceptable to us. This can be a dysfunctional relationship, unfulfilling job, health condition (being overweight, for example) or any habit or addiction which has a hold on us. For many of us, we must be in a place of pain or great discomfort to acknowledge that it is, indeed, time to hand over the source of our agony. Some of us who are extremely tough cookies need to be face down in the mud before we hear the universe’s call to rise up and live in a new way.

A recent rereading of The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron reminded me of the importance of readiness. In this bold and inspirational book on recovery and returning to wholeness through creative expression, she openly shares her addiction to alcohol. It seems that as a Hollywood screenwriter and journalist, alcohol provided her with the courage she needed to write. She tells us, “If I could have continued writing the old, painful way, I would certainly still be doing it. The week I got sober, I had two national magazine pieces out, a newly minted feature script, and an alcohol problem I could not handle any longer.” For her, timing was everything. Readiness is crucial. And so it is with us; we must be dramatically ready to give up the old to bring in the new. Like Julia, many of us have to be face to face with the pain reflected in the mirror to make real and lasting change.

Passion: Once we are committed to making the changes which beckon to us, burning desire is required to fuel our efforts. A namby-pamby, apathetic, carefree approach does not result in great change. We must want something so strongly we can feel it, taste it, touch it—only then is it truly within our grasp.

Ask any woman who has lost a great deal of weight. She will tell you that her final drop in weight came when the picture of her thinner, healthier self was so strong in her mind that no other picture was acceptable. Oprah Winfrey is a grand example of this. With single mindedness of purpose, she chose to recreate her physical self despite overwhelming odds and a self-proclaimed food addiction. (Read her wonderful accounting of this in her book, Make the Connection.) Any one of us can do the same if we fall in love with a new ideal of ourselves and zealously pursue it.

Perseverance: Despite perfect timing and abundant passion, there comes a time in this change process when temptation to return to old ways inevitably rears its head. No one said change was easy. Long term change does not happen overnight. It takes time. As human beings, we get discouraged when the going gets tough—when the cravings kick in, when the pounds don’t peel off easily or when stress undermines our efforts and tires us out. Perseverance is required to overcome the obstacles that will inevitably come our way. Perseverance is required to conquer the tendency to give in and give up when the journey loses its luster. The only place perseverance can be found is deep within. We all have to pull up our bootstraps and try just one more time.

Support: We all need cheerleaders, supportive others who can run the race with us. No one needs to make significant life changes alone, and yet, many of us think we do. This is our problem, our addiction, and we will handle it just fine. If we can come to the awareness that it is OK to share our weaknesses with others (knowing none of us is without such weaknesses), we can open ourselves to others and gain sturdy companions for the journey to our new self.

Alcoholics Anonymous provides the perfect model for lasting change. This spiritual, life-enhancing program has helped millions of people with drug and alcohol addictions by providing them with a “sponsor,” someone who has walked the long, hard road to recovery. Do you have someone who could be your “life change sponsor?” Someone who can support you through the ups and downs of your change process? No one should have to go the distance alone and, as success stories reveal, the odds of us reaching our goal are much greater if we have a buddy or two who will travel with us.

With the dawning of 2005, our thoughts will naturally turn to all of those things we wish to let go of or move toward in our lives. What are yours? My New Year’s wish for you is that your change will be timely, passionate, persistent, and supported. so that a new you can burst forth onto the horizon of a new day, a new year, a new life. Your new self calls!

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