Loving Ourselves Enough
by Brad Lundy & Jan Deremo Lundy
Originally published in Healing Garden Journal, July 2001

Jan: This month’s column was inspired by leafing through the pages of a very popular self-help magazine. As Brad and I sat together, perusing the current issue we found much food for thought. Articles and special features entreated the reader to go within; center oneself; live with great intention, simplistically and with heart. Yet, the last 1/3 of the magazine was dedicated to bold materialism and consumerism. Brad’s comment was, “It feels like we are witnessing the Madison Avenue version of heaven on earth; be enlightened while carrying your matching designer luggage to the airport.” Today’s publications, as well as thousands of billboards and TV commercials, hawk their wares to us, encouraging us to buy and live the American dream...a dream of having more, of being more than we are....

Brad: It seems to me that this is a perfect illustration of our human need to fill our lives- our quest to “seek” happiness. We fill our days with activities and things which will satisfy, unaware that in doing so, we move away from the truth of who we are. What is it about us that we are seldom satisfied with our lives as they are? Why must we engage in consumerism to fill our lives? Do these things really satisfy this infinite appetite we have? And what is the appetite for? I believe it is our dominant human need for approval by others. Having these things shouts to the world, “I have and am enough” when in actuality they are the trappings that can keep us tied to our egos and disconnected from our spirit selves. The truth is that we are simple beings requiring very little to sustain ourselves, to live and find meaning, but we have convinced ourselves otherwise. If we are able to live in a natural state, that fully conscious state when we can see and experience the beauty that permeates our lives moment to moment, then the richness of our lives is evident. We don’t need to “have” or “do” to be full. As long as we “try” to find satisfaction, we will never be happy.

Jan: I agree, Brad. It is possible for each one of us to operate from a place of “beingness.” Here we are fully satisfied with the abundance found in our everyday experiences. We are satisfied in the beauty of nature, the love of family and friends, the simple things.

Brad: Tremendous joy can be found through art, music, poetry, natural beauty. Just think for a moment. When you have been enraptured by the glory of a sunset or a mountain peak, where are your thoughts? How do you feel? A sense of perfection, of “everything is right in my world” is at hand. There is no sense of lack. There is no need to create a perfect experience. It just is. We lose ourselves in the beauty of the moment, and in that moment, all is well in our world. What would it take for us to operate like this regularly, in any given moment, and carry this sense of “I have and am enough” with us as we walk through our days?

Jan: Years ago, I read and taught Plato’s Republic to my high school students. Plato believed that we could live totally immersed in art, music and the beauty of nature. Via that connection, we come to the deepest place within ourselves where everything is perfect. He attempted to create a school which conveyed this philosophy. Even subjects like math and science were taught by using music. In doing so, he attempted to create “heaven on earth,” showing us a model of how to be internally and externally in the world, deeply connected to what naturally soul satisfies—beauty in all its forms. And when our soul is satisfied, the end result is joy. There is no need to seek approval from others; all we need is our own intrinsic self-approval because our inner system is satisfied and at peace.

Brad: It feels as if we are receiving a call to be child-like again. To let go of this need to provide, seek, strive, looking outside of ourselves for meaning and connection. I was thinking of our experience the other day, Jan, when we were sitting at a sidewalk cafe overlooking the water. We were drinking smoothies, watching the walkers and boaters going by, the sun was shining, and we played a silly game of tic, tac, toe on a board with plastic frogs as markers. It was a perfect illustration of being in the beauty of the moment. We were totally nourished with simple things and it seemed as if time was non-existent. Bliss was ours. Now, what if we could take this sense of “everything is right in my world” into the workplace as we wrote that tedious business report or as we car-pooled for the umpteenth time this week?

Jan: I think that is our goal. It is easy to come to a place of perfect contentment when we are alone and unhurried. Our challenge is to bring it into our everyday interactions. It is in letting go of the striving, the need to be and do as others might see or want us to be, that can bring this about. If I am connected to the truth of who I am, peace is mine, wherever I may walk, work or play.

Brad: Our mind, as well as our culture tells us this is not possible. We continue to be inundated with messages that I need more for my own approval. I need the luggage, clothes and shoes to be happy and liked by others, and for me to feel good about myself. Remember, that this is our ego talking to us. As pure spirit, we have no need for these things or for such approval. This is another aspect of Enlightened Loving: loving ourselves—enough.

Jan: Self-validation is all we need. We must take the time to ask ourselves, “What do I need for my own validation?” Slow down. Get quiet. Take the time to connect with your inner guide and ask the big questions. Turn off the TV. Disconnect from the commercialism and listen as your inner voice speaks of what is true and authentic for you.

Brad: Give what is inside you a chance to come out. Don’t be afraid of doing nothing. It is in “slipping into the nothingness” that we find ourselves, our true spirit self. And in that, we can find great joy. As we lay the ego down, the voice that whispers to us, “Buy, achieve, do,” we move ever deeper into our true identity. Just us without the low, dense vibration of fancy trappings. When I think of this process I think of the dolphins. They are pure sensation. Beings of sounds and smiles. We can sense their own pure joy when we are in their presence. It feels as if they are speaking a new language of consciousness, one which we could all benefit from if we have the presence of mind to do so.”Just Be,” they seem to call out to us. Just be...

With great love and blessings,
Brad & Jan

Homework:
Take a moment and reflect upon your own sense of “being enough.” How and when do you feel like you are enough? What situations trigger any unease about being enough? What can you do to make a shift towards greater self-validation?

Recommended Reading:
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh. Savor every page! These little vignettes on mindfulness will nourish you through and through.