Living Life One Choice at a Time
Originally published in Women's LifeStyle, January 2004

“At the very root of our lives is time, because as we are making choices, we are creating our future.” — Ortega Y Gasset

Every January, like many of you, I seem to hear the call of my ‘best self.’ It’s that little voice that bubbles up from my inner spaces that whispers, “NOW, is the time to make those changes you’ve been putting off.” One year the voice beckoned me to lose the ten pounds I’d never lost after giving birth to my third child. Another year it urged me to get organized, clear the clutter and heavily invest in plastic storage crates to house my self-created paper jungle. To be honest, I never really did those things. Thirteen years later, I’m still walking around with “baby weight” and I have yet to clear out all the boxes with valuable (and not so valuable) papers in them.

I’ve often wondered why we continually fail at what we’ve come to know as ‘New Year’s resolutions.’ Is it because we set goals that are too difficult to achieve? Have aspirations that are too high? Or do we simply lack the enthusiasm and gumption to persevere when the going gets tough? Personally, I believe it might be all of these and more.

As individuals living in a very fast-paced society, we have become “quick fix” junkies. We expect immediate results (look at the ire we feel when we have to stand in line for more than a few minutes at a time) and an easy time of it to boot. “Give it to me fast and make sure it doesn’t hurt” could be our mantram. Change, true and lasting change, can require dogged determination, interminable patience and acceptance of the fact that we may fall down and scrape our knees many times before standing in the winner’s circle of our hopes and dreams. If that is indeed the case, no wonder most of us don’t make the changes our best self is urging us to make.

I would propose that as 2004 dawns and the voice of our best self shouts a little louder, we toss the idea of setting insurmountable goals for ourselves out the window. Instead, I’m going to suggest that we listen to those inner urgings (like losing the last ten pounds) and move more gently into incorporating that change, one choice at a time. I am a big advocate of what I call “baby steps,” the small things we can do every single day to connect more deeply with our deepest desires for ourselves.

Every life change begins with a single act of choice. It is followed by another act of choice. One baby step followed by another baby step. By intentionally putting one foot ahead of the other, slowly, methodically, we can move with greater success toward that goal. We don’t have to be consumed by the goal, overwhelmed by the goal or devastated when we break stride and fall down. Instead, could we look at it as simply choosing again?

Because so many women do struggle with health, weight and body image, let’s talk about that for a moment. How would these principles apply to this emotionally laden issue that often consumes us? Instead of investing in the latest $49.95 gimmick—“lose 30 pounds in 30 days”—could we move through our days one meal at a time, consciously choosing what we put on our plates? Can we make the choice to go for a 15 minute walk in the evening rather than move into habitual couch potato mode and “veg out” in front of the television? Does making selections like these make the goal a little more doable, choice by choice? Yes! Does it take more time to reach a goal? Yes, it can, but our point here is that we are moving towards lasting change instead of a temporary one.

Baby step, baby step. Take another and another. When we begin to have small successes, making one good choice after another and feeling the results, we desire those successes even more. When we have made good choices for at least 21 days, we are well on our way to creating a habit. And this is the kicker: In time, a good habit becomes a lifestyle. You’ve done it! The goal has been reached and the change complete. That is how we know that lasting change has occurred—when we cannot live any other way, because we love the way we feel and how our life is showing up for us.

In my own life, choices come hour by hour in every aspect of my life—work, relationships, health, finances. It is the same for you. I choose meal by meal (actually even bite by bite) what my body is going to consume. I choose conversation by conversation how I am going to interact with someone. I choose transaction by transaction how I am going to spend my money. And on it goes. The choice is always ours. Choice is the one true power we have that can determine the quality of our lives. And the more that we are conscious of the power of choice, the more likely we are to create the life of our dreams. No goal is too lofty or too arduous when we approach it choice by choice.

What about you? What does the voice of your best self whisper to you with the advent of the new year? What baby steps, choice by choice, can you make to begin the journey to your best self? My hope for you in 2004 is that you will arise each day, greeting the possibilities which await you with a smiling face and an open heart, and that you will know, beyond a doubt, “inch by inch” change can be a cinch! The choice is yours...