Learning to Love the Journey
by Jan Deremo Lundy & Brad Lundy
Originally published in Healing Garden Journal, June 2001

Our past two Enlightened Loving columns have been dedicated to the process of learning to love ourselves in our totality—both our ego selves and our spirit selves. As we sat in meditation recently, asking for guidance in creating this month’s column, what came to us was that maybe we needed to explore this process a bit further, offering a more practical approach, a “How To” if you will, to the call we have received to live and love in a more enlightened fashion. In doing so, maybe we can all learn to love the process of our own awakening with less resistance and more joy.

Jan: In a previous column, we spoke of how with setting the intention, we can recognize our spirit selves and begin to dwell more and more in that space on a daily basis. We can live ‘real life’ as the spirits that we are. However, my sense is that when ‘real life’ sets in, when challenges come our way, our ego roars and we move away from that sacred space. Sometimes setting the intention just doesn’t seem to be enough (that’s our ego talking by the way) and we become stuck once again, mired in our doubts and fears that we are not spirit. How can we let go and operate from a different perspective?

Brad: It seems to me that we get really caught up in “perfecting our humanity.” Trying to turn our egos into something other than what they are. We try to subdue the anger or fear, when that is really not what we have to do at all. When we experience strong feelings, this is our ego telling us that we are in the thick of it—smack dab in the middle of an important experience. Often we run away or turn our backs on these strong emotions because we just don’t like the feelings that come out. The only way to reconnect with our spirit self is to stand in the middle of all those feelings. When we do this, all that is needed is to trust that this process will have a natural progression. It will walk me through it in divine timing; maybe it will take you 3 minutes or 3 hours or 3 days to stand in these feelings and discover what they are trying to tell you. What comes up for me is, “This isn’t feeling good enough for me,” and I set the intention to allow the process to work its magic and reward me with the gift when all is said and done.

Recently, I had one of those “Ah ha!” moments when I was experiencing all sorts of strong emotions that I did not like at all. I knew when these emotions came through that this was ego working for my benefit. It was shedding light on my interactions with an individual; it was pointing out to me that some attention was needed. I stood in these feelings for most of the day. Then 4 words came to me: “Everything is for me.” What that told me was that every emotion, every experience was designed by Spirit especially for me to take me where I needed to go. A tremendous sense of relief came in knowing that my daily experiences, even the less-than-desirable ones, were gifts in hiding. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. Wow! This is ALL for me, I thought. It also gave me great hope in knowing that as long as I set the intention to grow and receive a gift from each experience, I will. This understanding literally lets us take our power back and be the bright spirits that we are.

Jan: I had one of those moments myself just yesterday. My good friend Sherrie was helping me do some redecorating in my bedroom. Her suggestions, which were offered with great love, made me a bit squirmy. The room was beginning to look like a boudoir, full of life and feminine energy. So why was I resisting? What was going on inside of me that was making me feel so uncomfortable? I sat with these feelings for a while, aware that I could run from them, push them down inside, or explore them. I chose to explore. I spoke the feelings (processed) aloud to her. Before I knew it, I was saying, “I don’t deserve a room this beautiful. It’s what I always wanted but never thought I could have. I’m not worthy.” Believe me, hearing those phrases come out of my mouth stunned me. And yet, I knew them to be true. For many years, I had lived “small.” This room was a huge stretch for me, taking me out of my comfort zone. A word came to mind. “I am going to call this my Permission room,” I told her. I envisioned it being a symbol of allowing myself to live “large,” with great enthusiasm and brightness. After that, the strong emotions subsided and I realized that I had just walked through a huge ego lesson. I had confronted my own feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. In doing so, I received a miraculous gift. A new sense of personal power and freedom. I felt very proud of myself.

Brad: That is exactly how “the process” can work. That is a great example. You listened to the feelings that came. You didn’t push them away or worry how long it would take to walk through them. You had patience with the process, trusting that you would come out the other side.

Each one of us can do exactly the same thing. When we surrender to this process, when we no longer offer resistance, it can actually bring us to a place of fearlessness and Truth. We trust how it works. We know as I said earlier, “Everything is for me,” and that knowledge can take us to a whole new understanding of ourselves and how we grow into awareness of our spirit self. This Truth can set us free.

Jan: The other point that I think needs to be made here is that this process of reconnecting with our spirit selves is most enhanced when we are in relationship. My situation is a perfect example. Without my friend Sherrie being in my life, pushing a few buttons that my ego reacted to, would I have experienced what I needed to? No. Our interaction with others, no matter what the situation, whether it is the man who is tailgating you in his car or the co-worker who is a constant source of irritation, is what brings us to that ego/Spirit place where we get to take a look at what we feel and believe about ourselves.

Our relationships are supremely sacred, even the most dysfunctional ones, because they show us who we are and who we can be. Within every relationship come challenges which enable our ego to hold a mirror up to itself—to take a good look at what is there. Being in relationship is never so much about being with someone else, as about being with yourself. We are constantly given the opportunity to ask ourselves, “Is this really about the other person and what they are doing, or is it about me and how I am reacting?” Our relationships, observed consciously, will teach us more about ourselves than we ever dreamed possible. Within the context of relationship we can move from operating as an ego, perfecting our humanity, to one of a spirit, a divine creation who sees the true beauty of who we are.

Brad: With that, we could even venture to say that our relationships bring us to enlightenment. We are not talking here of the “sitting on a mountaintop meditating” type of enlightenment (though that may be a process that works for some). I would offer a new and different perspective. We receive enlightenment in doses, little glimpses of heaven everyday, as we allow the divine process to work its magic... Within relationship we can experience our Truth and it feels so good. We can slip into a space, even for a moment of how wonderful we all are. We allow a little bit of our God/Goddess Self to come through. It really is so simple... if we just trust... and learn to love the process.

With great love and blessings,

Brad & Jan

Homework:
Take a moment and reflect upon your own process of uncovering your Truth. How do you deal with it? Do you resist or flow with the process? Do you feel like you are operating more as an ego or as a spirit? Why?

Recommended Reading:
Your Sacred Self: Making the Decision to Be Free by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer. The entire book is worth the read but we especially like pgs. 175-199, “Free the Higher Self From the Ego.”