Giving Thanks for Love
Originally published in Women's LifeStyle, November 2003

“My whole heart rises up in thankfulness.”
—Robert Browning

Ah, November! The glorious, color imbued days of fall are past, frosty mornings the order of the day. Thoughts turn inward to more solitary landscapes. Late fall requests us to be a bit more reflective, urging us by its colder, duskier days to slow down and gentle our pace. And yet, our societal traditions call us to great busyness. Holidays beckon and expectations are high. The pressure is on to move quickly and efficiently. Families gather and commotion is expected.

In the blink of an eye it seems we have shifted from enjoying the fun-filled days of summer to savoring fall’s sweetness and beauty, to rushing headlong into shopping, decorating, hostessing and the like. It often feels to me that in doing so, we have missed an important time of the year - the one are forefathers and mothers deeply honored—the time of harvest, reflecting on the bounty of the season and giving thanks for all.

Granted we have our one day of the year, Thanksgiving, that unique American holiday where we stop to pause and give thanks for food, family and the good things in life. But is one day enough to pack in all the gratitude we can muster? As we sit at the table on Thanksgiving day, many of us stuff ourselves just as we have stuffed the turkey with one delectable foodstuff after another. We pack in our gratitudes in similar fashion, allowing one day to suffice for expressing the bounty in our hearts.

I would, instead, challenge each of us to dedicate, not only one day, but the entire season surrounding Thanksgiving to just that—oodles and oodles of “Thanks Giving.” I would love to see us return to the true spirit of late fall when we reap the harvest of our hard work, savor the fruits of the field and our labors, and give thanks for all that we have been given and accomplished. Could we dedicate a full month (or more) to our Thanks Giving, instead of just one day? I can only imagine what might come as a result of such expressions of gratitude...

And so, in keeping with the season of thankfulness, I would pose the question to each one of you: What are you most thankful for? Where can your bounty be found this year? What great gifts have you been given to celebrate?

When I answer these questions for myself, one phrase more than any other comes to mind. I am grateful for love. All of my life I have known love. I’ve always considered myself one of the lucky ones to have been truly surrounded since childhood with an abundance of loving family and friends. But this year is different. This year I think, for the first time in my adult life, I have come to understand what love truly is, how to give it and how to receive it.

How to give love? Unconditionally, of course, is the phrase we commonly hear. But what does that really mean? I’ve learned this past year that it means giving love from the deepest wellspring of my heart with no strings attached. It means giving with no thought of receiving anything back. It means offering my love up like a leaf to the wind, allowing it to be picked up or cast away as the universe deems appropriate.

To be unattached to one’s offering of love is a great thing. If I am not worried about how to taylor my love to the wishes or needs of others, I am free to give all that I can. If I am not caught up in worry about how I am going to be perceived (or my love accepted or rejected), I can give from the fullness of who I am and not whom others expect me to be. Loving in this way brings freedom to all involved.

How to receive love? With arms wide open. It means accepting the love that others give, no matter how small or large, and taking it into the core of my being. It means soaking it all in, however it shows up. Most importantly, it means having no expectations or preconceived ideas of how love should be—what it should look like—or how it should be offered. If I hold onto pictures (expectations) of how I want or need to be loved and how others should show it to me, I restrict the love coming towards me. I may even push love away if others feel they have to love me in certain ways.

By freeing ourselves from these pictures of how love should be, we become sponge- like, absorbing the water of love, letting it soak into every pore, filling us up. As we are full, we can outpour to others and the cycle continues. We give, receive, give over and over again. Isn’t that miraculous?

I’ve come to realize, as well, how important it is to remind ourselves daily to give thanks for the love that has come our way throughout our lives. As I begin my day and sit down at my desk, I am greeted by a small framed print which reminds me to do just that. On its soft water color image created by Mary Southard, CSJ, is a quote which reads, “I arise each day with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

I am reminded that love in the way it is expressed here, as “loving,” is a two way conduit. It is important for us to give love, unconditionally; it is equally important for us to receive love, unconditionally. “Loving” stirs me to open myself to both and, in doing so, the circle is complete and I am full.

My heart rises up in thankfulness.