The Gift of Being Present
Originally published in Women's LifeStyle, December 2003

As I write this column in late October, the leaves are a riot of color as they swirl through the streets and alleyways of my small town in northern Michigan. Colder days are descending upon us and, before we know it, this colorful dance of yellow, orange and red leaves will turn into a bright white waltz of frigid snowflakes.

With that, my thoughts naturally turn to holiday preparations, to me the hallmark of winter. I adore the holidays and all the fond memories they bring and because I enjoy them so, I am one of those women who likes to be organized and well prepared long before they arrive. In earlier years, I had even set a goal for myself to have the holiday gift shopping done by Thanksgiving. That way I could truly enjoy the month of December, play, bake, gather with friends, and savor the sounds, sights and smells of the season without succumbing to the hustle and bustle of it all. In fact, this year, well before Halloween, I had purchased gifts for at least three of the important people in my life. I was so proud of myself!

And yet, there is a rustling inside of me that cautions me to not place so much attention on finding the perfect holiday gift for everyone. That rustling was precipitated by a small catalog I received in the mail the other day. “Gifts of Service” by the Siva Foundation beckoned the recipient to give differently this year—to purchase a lasting gift that would truly make a difference in someone’s life. I was intrigued so I ventured inside its pages. What greeted me was images of men, women and children from third world countries who were in need of eye surgery, food, farm implements, education, and so on. The words lured me in: “A gift of $50 will buy basic educational materials and equipment for one Mayan midwife in rural Guatemala. This culturally appropriate training includes courses in nutrition and birth complications and assures safe care for mothers and their babies.” I was mesmerized. The catalog suggested making this donation in the name of a friend or loved one and offering it as their holiday gift. They would receive notification from the organization and know that a legacy of new life, in most cases, was given to others in their name. My mind began to tally a list of all the people on my gift roster who were philanthropic minded and who would be thrilled to receive a gift such as this.

Then I began to ponder what other intangible, “boxless” presents we might be able to give one another. What things mean the most to us? What would we truly like to receive from someone else? I know what I’d like to receive from the loved ones in my life—I’d like to be given the gift of their time. In my view, there is no better gift than being able to spend time with the people I love.

Time is such a precious commodity these days. Moving at the life pace we are, shouldering mountainous responsibilities, it is our free time which becomes unavailable. Our “To Do” list seems endless. Could we possibly create, instead, a “To Be” list—a roster of all the ways in which we can be with the important people in our lives, giving the holiday gift of our presence?

What might be on your “To Be” list? Things like a leisurely walk with someone who needs a listening ear; reading books with a grandchild; reliving old memories perusing through photo albums with an aging parent or grandparent; a phone call to a an old childhood friend (or someone with whom you’ve lost touch). These are the things that mean the most: the gifts of listening, caring and presence. These are the opportunities that can cause giver and receiver to deepen in intimacy. They are things that cannot be wrapped in pretty paper and placed under the Christmas tree, but they are things of enduring quality. They are also memories in the making; they are the gifts that last.

Time does move quickly. It is short. And we are not immortal beings with unlimited time on this planet. When all is said and done and we reflectively look back on our lives, what we will undoubtedly remember is the people with whom we spent our days and nights. We’ll recall the warm hugs of our children and grandchildren, the animated conversation that rose from the dinner table, the late nights we spent comforting and sharing with one another through all the circumstances life handed us.

It’s interesting isn’t it—the similarity in the words? “Presents” and “presence”? Which would you prefer to receive? If present giving is at the top of your priority list, my hope for you this holiday season is that you will dig deeper than your pocketbook and creatively design some quality time—the gift of presence—for the important people in your life... and that you will receive the same.

Holiday blessings to you all!